If someone were ask me a few months ago “what is your goal in life?” I would’ve shrugged my shoulders and said I didn’t know. But these past few months have made it pretty obvious. I have 3 main goals. To meet Demi as many times as I can, thank her and hug her as many times as I can. She gives good hugs. To be an mental health advocate, like Demi; speaking for those who are unable or too shy to speak for themselves, to speak to them directly to let them know that they’re not alone and to listen to them and motivate them to take the necessary steps to get better. And to educate them and people in our society about mental health. I want to be an inspiration. I want to share my story. I want people to know that they can come to me and be comfortable with me, which has already been done. Friends and even strangers have come to me for advice and help to get through something. There is no better feeling for me than knowing that those people came to me and that I was able to help them (I hope haha).
But before I become this “big” mental health advocate, I need to take care of myself and be an advocate for myself. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Though, I think it’s something different. I’m seeing a specialist in a couple months to figure out what’s really going on and get treatment for it. It’s going to take a lot of work. It has been a lot of work. No one likes this. No one likes work. No one likes going to the doctor and admitting that they’re, what they think is “messed up in the head.” It takes time to get to the point when you’re ready to work hard. I went from isolating myself, to talking to a friend, to denial, to admitting I had a problem, to believing I can do it alone again, to the doctors and on meds. None of this is fun. But it’s worth it. I’m taking care of myself because I have hope. I have hope and goals. If you watched the video, Demi said you could have all the reasons to be emotionally well and have goals and dreams but you can still be depressed. And that’s pretty true but I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding that, sometimes including me. Mental health is an illness. It’s out of anyone’s control.
I wasn’t this positive about getting better two weeks ago. I laid in bed for hours just wanting to sleep and do nothing. Right now, I have the strength to write this, which is huge considering how I’ve been these past 3 weeks. I’m proud that I had the strength to blog and to come to school today. But I had to rely on what I needed to rely on, especially Demi and knowing I’ll see my friends today. Tomorrow I may fall back down again. Everyday is different. Everyday changes. But I’m not going to give up. I have hope. Besides, Demi isn’t letting me. Lmao. She’s too inspiring and funny. I made a promise to her to stay strong and never give up. And I’m keeping that promise.