Mental Health

Pain demands to be felt

I was watching “Fault in our Stars” the other night and this quote really stood out to me. It wasn’t the first time I’ve seen this movie but for some reason it hit me more that night. I truly believe we have to feel the pain of something in order to be able to move on. Pain exists for a reason. Everything does. We should react to bad experiences. Whether it’s crying, screaming, talking to someone about it, or just simply eating chocolate. I find the longer I hold it in and the longer I convince myself and everyone around me that I’m not hurting, the longer it takes for me to get over a situation.

Lying to ourselves

As impossible and ridiculous as this may sound, it happens to the most of us. I’ve lied and convinced myself that I was fine a number of times. This happens when we keep ignoring the problem. We decide that we don’t want to deal with the situation so we just kind of push the problem aside, which all sounds great, but the truth is, at least for me, is that it will just build up and it will suck way more when you finally breakdown.

I’m sure we’ve all had this happen, but there has been so many times where I’ve cried and by the end, I was crying about something else that happen awhile before so I cried harder. Then it just overlaps. I try to avoid this. It’s much easier to grieve or cope with something at the moment. I never push pain aside. Because it’s not fun when it builds up and I have a breakdown.

Lying to others

It just way better to let it all out and express your true emotions. I want my friends to tell me if something is bothering them. I want them to rant. Scream. Throw stuff. Whatever. I’ll try my best to offer advice and when I can’t, I’ll offer my shoulder to cry on. I know how bad it is to keep stuff built up so I always encourage them to talk to me.

Most of the time, when they just try just push the problem aside, I can tell something’s up. I care too much to let them get away with ignoring it. It might not be a big deal to them, but it is to me, if I can tell if he/she is upset by it. Talking really does help. Don’t shove the problem aside.

Personal story

A friend of mine drifted away from me and one day stop replying to my texts altogether. About 2 months ago, I thought, “I can’t control this situation, there’s nothing I can do, so I can’t let it bother me.” Well guess what? The pain caught up to me. And since I’ve allowed myself to vent, by crying and talking to someone, I’ve accepted it and feel more at ease about it. Not saying it still doesn’t suck but it’s easier than having it built up inside me.


  1. Never shove a problem aside
  2. Allow yourself time to deal with it right away
  3. Allow yourself to cry
  4. Don’t judge your feelings/thoughts, or try to change them. Accept them.
  5. I said this in a previous post but you should have a go-to person. That one person you go to if you need to talk. Once you have that person, the next time you need to talk, ask them if they’re busy. If you don’t ask, they may be in the middle of something. Therefore, won’t be able to give you undivided attention and/or respond. Wait until your person is free to chat.
  6. WRITE! This is very therapeutic. Write down all your thoughts regarding a situation. Write some the situation, your thoughts, feelings, what exactly about the situation is bugging you, stuff about the situation that isn’t so bad, how you can compromise/fix the situation. EVERYTHING.
  7. You can always talk to me. I don’t care if I know you or not. If you need to talk, I’m here. Visit my contact me page for contact info.

Stay strong lovelies <3

Jessica Victoria
<p>Jessica Victoria, 24, is a writer and advocate for mental health, disability and LGBTQ+. She uses her personal experiences and knowledge to help and educate others.</p>

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