Mental Health

To my best friend, soul sister, mentor, and everything in between

It’s crazy to think if I hadn’t posted one Facebook post, I wouldn’t know you. And if I didn’t know you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

After we met on Facebook, I officially met you at the orientation dance. You were drunk. So was I. You screamed my name as you ran up to me. I never thought it would turn into an amazing friendship that I would cherish forever.

We spent our earliest days bonding over alcohol and Miley Cyrus. Our two person dance parties were the best. We had so much fun together and you were one of the nicest, non-judgemental people for someone who I had just met, and still am.

Where other people saw me as an inconvenience, you didn’t. I appreciated it. You took me to the club for the first time. Travelled to Toronto for the first time alone with a friend, where I was “rebellious” and drank alcohol in public. And you took me to my first overnight at the falls without a parent.

You helped me live a normal life by just doing stuff with me, just as if I didn’t have a difference.

The second orientation night the next year was a true test of our friendship. We had fun. We got drunk. We danced, we laughed. But then things took a turn for the worst. I had a breakdown and I ended up having to go to the hospital, where you stayed til 6 am, even though you had class that day.

I don’t think you’ll ever know how much it meant to have you there; holding my hand and crying with me. I struggled with it for weeks after. Isolated myself from everyone, besides you. You let me hold onto you and hide behind you. I felt safe like that because I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.

As time went on, we learned more about each other. To the point where we just KNEW each other. We learned each others strengths and weaknesses. Our hopes and dreams. Our needs and wants. Our quirks. Our moods and how they affect us. Our past. What to say to each other, how to help each other.

You were in the Journalism program when I was in Child and Youth. I remember observing you while you were working and learning. I observed you accomplish so much of what I wanted to do.

I became so interested in what you were doing that I eventually realized that was what I should’ve been doing. Not long after, I enrolled into Journalism, which I am now graduated from.

Now because things got messy and confusing here, I’m just going to skip to the end summer of 2015.

Because of circumstances, we got into a really big fight that almost cost this friendship – well it did for two months. Now, this is tough for me to say and I’ve never said it before, but thank you.

I really learned a lot about myself during that time. I re-evaluated myself, and the person I was in this friendship. I learned to appreciate you more. I learned to give and take. I learned that you can’t, and won’t always be there for me and I learned how to handle being on my own and solve problems on my own.

Thank you for also being patient with me as I heal and learn to trust fully again. For the record, I never doubt your current intentions. I just have a bit of a guard up. But thank you for reassuring and reassuring me that we got this.

When I came and got my stuff from you that I had left at your house, I was both devastated and terrified that it was going to be the last time I saw you, since you were moving and we still weren’t friends.

I admit, I cried beforehand but then I put on a tough, brave face when I saw you. It hurt to see you because I hated the fact that you hurt me, and I missed you.

As we said our goodbyes, me still thinking it was the last time I would ever see you, I lost it and started crying. But then you hugged me and said I could text you.

And that gave me hope – that our friendship would recover. And it did.

Unfortunately, that didn’t stop life from happening and you still had to move away. I had separation anxiety, still do sometimes. You never judged me for that. Thank you. Because of the things I learned during our break, I’ve been able to survive without seeing you everyday.

As things at school got hard because of stupid idiots, having no friends and the work getting more overwhelming for me, and me feeling like giving up, you were there for me.

Whenever I needed motivation or a call to make me feel less alone, you did it. And it wasn’t because it was urgent or out of obligation, you did it because you wanted to. You wanted to be there for me. Thank you for that.

You’re not only my best friend, but I consider you my sister I never had and mentor.

Because no matter where you are in your life, I look up to you. You’ve taught me so much, in the Journalism field and life.

You show me it’s okay not to be perfect and it’s okay if we’re not where we want to be in life, just as long as we’re trying our best.

It pains me when you talk down on yourself. You’re a very intelligent woman and you deserve more credit than you’re giving yourself. Yes, you’re not perfect (no one is) but your imperfections make you who you are.

You have no idea how much it means to me to have someone believe in me and rooting for me like you do. When you root for me and say things like “you can do it!” or “do it!”, it motivates me. I don’t need it but it’s that extra push that helps make it a bit easier.

I miss you so much. Even though we talk every day and FaceTime when we can, it’s just not the same.

We have so much fun together. Even if we’re doing nothing, it’s still great. Your hugs/cuddles are the best. They are so warm and sweet. I just love hugs in general but yours is different.

I miss you but I can cherish our good times more now. I’m so excited for the next day we spend together because it’ll be a blast no matter what we do.

Thank you for everything. For never judging me. For helping me through difficult times. For helping me through this journalism program. For your lessons. For your prep talks. For the time apart. For giving me another chance. For letting me in. For our fun times and laughs together. For believing in me.

And thank you for just being you.

I have no idea what the future holds. But I hope we’ll be friends forever. Even if we drift apart because of life, I’ll always remember you.


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Jessica Victoria
<p>Jessica Victoria, 24, is a writer and advocate for mental health, disability and LGBTQ+. She uses her personal experiences and knowledge to help and educate others.</p>

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