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What It Means To Be Sex-Positive

Being a sex-positive advocate means having an open attitude toward sex and sexuality. It means that we don’t judge others for the sex life that they choose to have. It means recognizing that sex can mean different things to different people, and recognizing that everyone deserves to have the sex life that they want. For sex-positive supporters, the only thing wrong with sex is when it’s non-consensual.

I am a sex-positive advocate. The majority of my friends are, too. I joke about sex a lot. I talk about sex a lot. I ask questions without feeling embarrassed. I answer questions without feeling embarrassed. I’ve done boudoir photoshoots. I’ve done sexual things and enjoyed it. I can’t say what, but my friends know. I’m open and honest, because I like to educate others and create a safe space to talk about it.

I’m not that into relationships. I’m too independent for one, and I already give my love and time to my friends, family and readers. Dating gives me too much anxiety that I don’t need. Also, modern dating is just way too hard. But, I do need physical touch every so often, whether that’s in the form of sex, cuddles, kisses, etc. So, where does that leave me?

I don’t do hookups, but I seek out casual relationships. I have fun. I go with the flow. I had a guy over the other day. We cuddled and made out. A couple of days later, we stopped talking. NEXT!

Some people think that this is wrong, and I hate that! It’d only be wrong if it wasn’t my choice, but it is. It’d only be wrong if this wasn’t what I truly wanted, but it is. I’ve done a lot of thinking about this.

I’m not ashamed. Why should I be? Why should anyone be? It’s a basic need and a natural act. Yet, people try to shame us for it because of what they believe. I don’t judge other people’s beliefs. I respect other people’s choices. To me, part of being a sex-positive advocate is respecting that some people practice celibacy. I don’t think that we should be judged because we think or act differently than some people do.

But, for some reason, deep down – way in the back of my mind – I do feel a tiny bit of shame. I do feel a tiny bit of “maybe this is wrong.” It’s because I know that there are people out there, even people who love me, who judge me or would judge me if they knew.

There’s no such thing as one right or wrong answer surrounding this topic. But, this is right for me.

Like I said, I respect it if you disagree, but please don’t tell me I’m wrong.

Jessica Victoria
<p>Jessica Victoria, 24, is a writer and advocate for mental health, disability and LGBTQ+. She uses her personal experiences and knowledge to help and educate others.</p>

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